Okay feeling this again is definitely too soon. When was the last time I felt this bad? Hmmm...5 years ago? Ouch. Back then, it was uncontrollable. Now its not so bad. I can hide it muuch better.
AAAAAAAH. (Cries). I need to get over this and quick. Abstinence may be my only way out but aaah I cant. Temptation is too strong. I can't let go. Now the problem. I cant do anything about it. Its too good. Much better than me. NO! Dhivyaa. What are u saying laa? No, its not better than you. You KNOW that. You could win it any day. But just not today. Just not now. Just not IN THE TWO FUCKING THINGS THAT MATTER THE MOST TO YOU. Arrgggh. Again I ask, would it be better to go down quietly without making a fuss or would it be better to work harder and harder for it and let it hurt so bad when i lose in the end?
This is not going to end soon! This is nowhere near to ending! Its only the begining of so much more shit. And ohmygod, this is hard enough. I just need some time to cry, and think and work this out. What hurts is that I cant tell anyone. AT ALL. God, help. Please. Let go, Dhivyaa. Let go!
I'm getting too attached. I know it. Let one go. LET ONE GO! If you get rid of this one, you'll automatically be abstained from the other. Too bad im so close to it like ecstasy. I need this people! I actually do love them. Genuinely. Its painful even considering letting go. I need help. GOD. HELP ME PLEASE. Dhivyaa, try it. Come on. Do it. Once. See if they miss you. No one is indispensable darling. That includes you too. For now.
I am my best friend and my worst enemy. Screw it. I am so majoring in philosophy when I grow up.
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